Write a novel this summer, they said
Maybe the trend is true, we’re all writers here.
I’ve never encouraged anyone to write a novel. It was such a faddish thing back in the day to say, “You should write a book!” I found it offensive. Actually, the height of condescension. The majority of people who told me to write a book hadn’t even read my writing. Even if they had, I hadn’t demonstrated any novel-writing capabilities. But something is changing — or flattening. Maybe the trend is true, we’re all writers now. It suddenly makes perfect sense to me that anyone would and should write a novel as an exercise of endurance and blissful non-phone-time. The world is slipping away from us, we have to grab concentration where we can.
In particular—and this is a theory I got from repping a romance company for a year now—I’ve come to the conclusion that every man and woman has a romance novel inside of them. We should all write one. It’s the perfect eccentric hobby for the moment: just the right parts self absorption and possible payout, with opportunities for rebranding as an author in the shortest time possible (6 weeks?). Isn’t that why celebrities write books, for the rebrand?
Doing “research” for my job, I got seriously into Jilly Cooper and her TV show Rivals. (I can honestly say, start with the TV show and work backwards into the books.) I also read Bergdorf Blondes, which was billed as a “comic novel.” (Not a bad idea, marketing wise.) Last week, for no reason at all, I re-read Gossip Girl at an airport cafe over two $20+ margaritas. It never hits me the way it did when I was a kid, but I admire it nonetheless. (There’s a whole genre of romance called Billionaire Romance, which really revels in money porn, which is what that series was all about.)
Anyway, I think you should take my advice and write a book. I’m a class person myself, so here are some options:
Jami Attenberg’s ongoing Substack project “1000 words of summer” runs from May 31st to June 13th. It’s pretty simple: You write 1000 words a day on your novel. You end up with a…novella?
Lynn Steger Strong’s Year Long Novel Generator class is $7,500 and you end up with a manuscript. Applications are due May 30th. Cat Marnell just finished her first novel in the class. You have to apply! And you meet 3 hrs/week. Class starts July 9th.
If you’re still in the reading phase of writing, the Center for Fiction has tons of classes. I took the Jane Austen class in the fall with Joanna Biggs—which I’ve written about—and it was meaningful to me!
Speaking of novels, this Instagram book drama gives me life. A husband-and-wife team ran a pretty basic video series about book recommendations, then they split up. She’s accusing him of not reading any books (“The amount of books you’ve read in your life, is the amount of books I read in a week”), he’s claiming he did all the video editing. Heaven.
The New Yorker flash fiction series is really hit and miss but this vacation affair by Emma Cline is perfect pre-summer reading. Summer is never as idyllic as we remember!
Why the Plane Book beats the Beach Read
I always laugh when I see a photo of a celebrity reading the beginning of a book. Or a book with an un-cracked spine. Of all the things we’re compelled to photograph, book shots have got to be the most revealing. Very preening, very pick me! (I’m not telling them to stop actually. We love books here! I just also love modern life.)
I do have a point to make. One place you always see celebs with a book: On the beach. Reading the beach reads. And yet, I find reading in the sun to be…hard. I’m blind, so I wear contacts, and they’re always red from sunscreen. I’m terrified of sunglasses tan. I’m always getting in and out of the water. This is why they invented the beach read. You have to be able to read through squinted eyes.
One thing you never see: Celebrities reading books on planes.
I glean a certain sense of superiority when I read books on the plane or in the terminal. We’ve reached that stage of civilization decline where it is basically impossible for people to choose a book over 50 films downloaded into the headrest of the person in front of them. But reading is such an easy way to fix an otherwise horrible day at the airport or hours on a long, cramped flight. (Yeah, I fly economy. You cannot catch me out wasting my money on “leg room.”) Planes and airports are designed for one thing: Pure productivity. Firstly, you are not at work. And anyway, the wifi never really works, the laptops are always dying, it’s FREEZING COLD. And you’re trapped in your seat. Or stuck in a bad restaurant. But you’re wearing headphones and you’ve set your out of office. You are free to concentrate.
So what makes an ideal plane book? I’m going to be honest here: A complicated text. A really long heavy book. A… textbook. I think planes are the last place where I really learn things. The plane is my library. When I want to learn something—like cheat my way into getting fast facts—I always google variations of “Harvard syllabus.” Yes, just like that kid in Good Will Hunting. It’s a whole new world out there when you realize you can channel one of those Marxist podcasters but only for one day a month.