The definitive gift guide for professional men
by a software engineer at a large American technology company
A question I get a lot is: What do I buy my dad/boyfriend/brother/brother-in-law? I often feel like what I buy my husband doesn’t totally apply, because it’s either an inside joke (this password protected journal from the 1990s) or something semi-lux but ultimately practical (three long-sleeve polos from a store I walked into in Italy). It’s just the truth that for men you go deeply personal or completely impersonal and both don’t suit the Gift Guide format, which is eccentric by design. And they don’t really care anyway? It’s fundamentally lame to be a man who is pouting about his birthday gifts. (I think in my small family the party line is I care a lot about what I am given. And everyone must think long and hard before giving me anything.)
Anyway. I’m starting a Gift Guide series for men, where I ask male friends of mine for help answering this question. The first person I asked was Boško Blagojević, who is on the technical staff at a large American technology company. We met many years ago at a cocktail party for Artforum, when we were both moonlighting as underpaid art critics. (Then we ran into each other too many times to mention at Paul’s during the heyday of Paul’s.) He used to run this cool guerrilla-feeling gallery called Svetlana. (This show in particular really did it for me.) I like when men have practical skills—like working a complicated job that “women don’t understand”—and also taste and creative interests. It’s a rare combo, but not unheard of in New York City. (Get you a man who can do both!)
I got the idea to ask him because when I wrote that I didn’t know where the hell to buy buttons, he e-mailed me right away:
“The fashion district still has a few places that only do buttons. My fave is Lou Lou on W 38th. There’s a gay couple who runs it, the owner is Persian (forget his name) and his chatty friend is an America guy named Gary. Pretty eccentric, they’re both really helpful if you bring in the garment you want to put the buttons on. If you charm Gary he’ll give you his personal business card. Not for the business, just his personal contact details. It’s a masterpiece.”
Boško’s Gift Guide: What Men Want
What do men want? Nothing, actually—or maybe it’s this: to be left alone, to quietly observe their career projects mature and investment portfolios ripen, to see their family expand. As I find myself slowly drifting into middle age, these are the thoughts that run through my mind whenever my wife or my mother pester me about my desires for a birthday or holiday gift. At this age—which is the only age from which I can situate any sincere views—getting a luxurious gift from anyone is a hollow pleasure. If something brings you joy, why couldn’t you just buy it for yourself?
On the other hand, nothing gives me more pleasure than giving gifts to others. And this pleasure only deepens with age. There’s no better feeling than putting a few thousand dollars into a white envelope and handing it to your father, sans card or sentimental birthday message. Nothing quite spiritually reconstitutes you like an act of generosity that strains your resources just a little bit. Don’t ever do that for a husband though: he won’t like it.
Art
I spent years writing about art and running a small commercial gallery in New York before closing it during Covid and going back into the corporate world. I can tell you with certainty: art is the greatest gift. Nothing else comes even close in terms of occupying vast, winding spans of time in our lives. Your recipient doesn’t even have to love or like what you get them in order for it to be a great gift. Giving something ugly or inscrutable can also be extremely memorable. Art can be regifted or ungifted without guilt: I’ve bought things for others that I’ve decided to keep for myself. I’ve also gifted things I previously owned—art is transferable (if rarely resellable) like nothing else.
With that in mind, it’s shocking how few people buy art, from galleries or otherwise. The small galleries don’t do themselves any favors by being cagey and secretive about prices and mostly chasing the same boring social circles of “professional collectors.” But you can use that to your advantage.
Works on Paper
A two-part exhibition of influential American conceptualist Ronald Jones inaugurated the tiny midtown Empire gallery a few months ago. The standout works from that show are Jones’ early 90s photograms made from the debris of downed Pan Am Flight 103, a target of terrorist sabotage in 1988. The photograms, printed in a former Stasi lab in East Berlin—are eerie and beautiful, reminding me (formally) of early 19th century Dada experiments in the medium. They speak to a darker and more complicated history though, and, much like Empire itself, offer a refreshing counterprogram to what has passed for “political” art in the last 15 years. I think a few of those works are still available, beautifully framed in dark oak, for (probably) less than $8k. A steal, considering Jones’ presence in MoMA, Whitney, Guggenheim, and Metropolitan Museum permanent collections.
I’d also consider one of Bill Hayden’s works on paper being shown at Gandt next month in Queens. The artist-run gallery (founded by Marc Kokopelli and Matthew Langan-Peck) has a reputation for offbeat and influential shows in their wood paneled basement space in otherwise largely artless Astoria. Hayden’s ink on paper executions are superb figurative drawings that move between fantasy illustration and a kind of post 60s Symbolism. Like a lot of Bill’s work there’s something confounding and poisonous at its core. The gallery website still hasn’t been updated with dates, so maybe send them a DM. Probably less than $10k.
If you want something richly sensual and irrefutably impressive, consider Zoran Starcevic’s oversized works on paper. Oversize is not a stretch here: these works often reach six feet in length and deliver a considerable impact when installed. The series to ask about are his Hyssops: beautiful, trembling depictions of the eponymous flower (and other things) rendered in various oils and pastels on thick Legion Coventry Rag paper. He doesn’t have a New York gallery at the moment, so you'll need to DM him for availability. Again, probably less than $10k.
Documentary photography is less collected compared to painting and even sculpture—reason enough for you to explore the genre. For this I perennially recommend the work of Daniel Eric Weiss, a New York native who still lives and shoots here—mostly documentary-style photography in lush black and white. He shoots regularly for the New York Times and does an occasional commercial job here and there, but he’s got years of work documenting our decaying metropolis. He also recently published a book documenting New York’s disappearing public payphones ($40). His instagram is a good place to start and ask him about acquiring a print; it can be had probably for less than $1,000.
Lamps
The painter Charles Mayton has a secret instagram where he sells hand-painted lampshades for far less money than his works on canvas. While they are mostly abstractions, Mayton also makes lamps for your kids’ rooms, featuring animals. Gorgeous and (I think) around $300 a pop, the lampshade comes with a good looking base lamp—but you can of course use your own if you prefer.