Sophisticated Stain Remover

Baby Food, Coffee, Cola, Fruit/Fruit Juice, Iodine, Jams/Jellies, Maple Syrup, Mold/Mildew, Nicotine, Perfume, Red Wine, Self-Tanner, Urine, Vegetables, and Vomit.

My friend’s mom is the food critic Moira Hodgson. Moira is of the era where the critic herself was as elegant as the nearest diner at Le Bernardin.

If you’re new to Moira’s work, start by reading this piece on Arthur Miller’s wife, then order Good Food from a Small Kitchen (1985), which will double as a gift for any New Yorker with a kitchen smaller than their wingspan. My top books of hers are Holiday Recipes (1981) and Favorite Fruitcakes (1993), two ideal presents for the cooks with a sense of humor.

Moira’s Carbona collection.

In the bathroom of Moira’s loft in Soho, she has a row of Carbona Stain Devils. Carbona produces 9 in total, and she has the entire set. I love the specificity. Stain Devil #8 tackles “Coffee, Tea, Wine & Juice” stains. The full description of its powers: “STAIN DEVILS #8 REMOVES: Baby Food, Coffee, Cola, Fruit/Fruit Juice, Iodine, Jams/Jellies, Maple Syrup, Mold/Mildew, Nicotine, Perfume, Red Wine, Self-Tanner, Urine, Vegetables, and Vomit.” (Self-tanner!)

I don’t have much trouble with “Blood, Dairy & Ice Cream” (#4), but if you have a kid on the playground that might be useful. (“Stain Devils #4 removes Baby Formula, Blood, Dairy Products, Eggs, Egg White, Milk, Ice Cream, and Yogurt.”) There’s another bottle for “Chocolate, ketchup & mustard” stains. What do these food groups have in common? “these are considered saucy stains, meaning they are oily, pigmented, and can be particularly difficult to remove with regular laundry detergent alone.” Writers might enjoy Stain Devil #3: “Ink, Marker & Crayon.”

There’s something very folksy about the company. Their tagline doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue: “Carbona is here to help you live the Unstained Life.” (“Ready to make your cleaning dreams and stain-removing wishes come true?”) Branding expert Alexis Page saw the packaging and said, “It’s giving Bob Villa’s This Old House.” A great watch, if you haven’t seen it. (For those who enjoy Gwyneth Paltrow’s PBS cooking show from 2008.)

You may have noticed I’ve added affiliate links for Amazon products. I did this b/c it seems easy, and it’s not hurting anyone. Supposedly I get 1-4% of sales. 1%! Going to be honest with you, I thought going to the dark side would have more tangible profit.

Carbona has since updated the packaging, but it used to have an extensive list of stain-detergent pairings. Some of the bottles have a liquid cleaner, others have powder.

What is it about obscure everyday brands that bring out the best in bloggers! I learned about the old packaging from a blog called Planet of the Dolls. The blogger wrote to Carbona, and they sent her a free box of stain removers to try, and she takes photos of every stain she removes or fails to remove. Maybe I should write to them, too…

She’s washing her dolls?

You can read a brief history of Carbona on a blog called Bay Bottles. (Apparently people used to sniff the cleaning products to get high in the 60s, even the Ramones wrote a song about it.)

An early ad for their shoe polish.

Wirecutter wrote a quite thorough investigation into removing blood stains. (They don’t mention Carbona.)

Moira Hodgson’s Gift Guide recommendations